Where Do I Start With Relationship Concerns?

You may hope that your relationship issues will just go away and that things will get better – and sometimes they do. But in our experience the sooner you start taking action to improve things the less likely the problems will grow.

Fixing a troubled relationship takes time, work and commitment, making a few simple changes, like some of those listed below, can make a difference:

• Spend together on a regular basis – doing something you both enjoy
• Talk together about what you both want and need from the relationship (be clear and realistic) – but choose your time wisely – when you are both calm and not under the influence of alcohol or drugs
• Let the other person know how you feel about the problem behaviour (if you feel safe to do so)
• Use “I” statements and avoid using labels (“I feel hurt” rather than “You are selfish”)
• Do your best to open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable – and admit when you’re wrong. This can be hard to do but will help you to move forward in your relationship
• Take time to genuinely listen to what the other person is saying and validate their feelings
• Don’t assume you know what the other person is thinking – ask them!
• Don’t assume that they know what you are thinking – tell them!
• Remember you’re a team – try to work together to solve problems – but seek help if this is not possible

Sometimes it can be valuable to talk to someone else about the issues in your relationships to get some perspective. If you’re concerned about your overall relationships or the impact of certain behaviour on your relationships – whether that’s with your partner, family member, child, friend or colleague – the counsellors at Helm have the experience and expertise to help.